Transforming Trauma Into Triumph-Finding the Advantage and Strenght in Past Pain and Adversity.

When I learned that I had beaten an illness that almost took my life, I legally changed my name to Phoenix, because I feel I have “Risen from the Flames of Adversity.

The Way of the Phoenix: Trust The Journey

Trust Life To Bring You The Very Best Things–Despite Adversity

 

Explore These Ideas With Me:

• “Timeless Truths” that govern the Universe
• How to turn your difficulties and trials into worthwhile experiences
• Keys to finding healing and resolution of trauma
• Inspiration and resilience to tackle your challenges
• Get clear about your boundaries, and what you will and will not tolerate
• Develop empowering perspectives to help you overcome any difficulty– even victimization
• When you’re living your life very intentionally, consider than any difficulty that comes to you is a lesson you still need to learn.
• If you haven’t found the good in the difficult experience, it’s not over yet!  Keep examining every detail until you find a benefit, then let the trauma and stress go.
• This Is A Benefit I Gained From A Nearly Fatal Illness–  I learned that every day is a gift, and what you do with it matters! When you don’t know if you’ll live through the next minute– hour, or day, it changes you!
• All the suffering and disappointment of my life have made me a very different person than I designed to be in the beginning. But in the long run, it all worked out! Trust that there is a beneficial purpose for your difficulties.
• ”The strongest steels are refined in the hottest fires.”
• One of the reasons I don’t want to dwell on the trauma is that is not where I want to live my life! If you stay stuck in the pain and suffering you let the perpetrators win!
• Changing your perspective creates a new reality. Even if you haven’t changed the circumstances, it changes your feelings and how you respond, allowing you to heal and progress.
• I believe the most important qualities are the ability to be adaptable and resilient, and to embrace empowering perspectives.
• Your life experiences will make you better or bitter–the choice is yours!
• I found that you get to repeat the negative experience with slight variations over and over until you learn the lesson you’re supposed to gain from it!

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Excerpts from My Speech Entitled: The Way of The Phoenix: Trust The Journey

I finally got my diagnosis. It was Secondary Adrenal Insufficiency, caused by the partially empty sella, and by adrenal glands that were totally exhausted from years of nearly constant production of fight or flight hormones.

All the medical specialists I was seeing concluded the same thing—I was going to die, probably, immediately! That was completely unacceptable, and I began exploring many avenues for healing.

The Western medical healthcare approach was where I started, but if I had stopped there it would have been a terminal mistake!

And during the time of this earth-shattering news when everyone was telling me I’m going to die—

I realized I had to end several toxic relationships IN ORDER TO LIVE! I split up WITH MY HUSBAND– AND MY PARENTS.

My sister who was my caregiver, and also took care of my babies, announced that she had to move from the state soon. Her husband had accepted employment in another state.

I was beyond devastation emotionally and physically!

I had a lot of time to ponder my predicament. I was completely bed-ridden for months, fighting for my life against an illness that kept me so close to death it’s hard to explain.

Life seemed impossible at times. I felt hurt, angry, and helpless, and I often felt completely overwhelmed! But I wanted to live to see my children grow up!

I realized that the most important thing for me to learn was new ways of actually LIVING.

I began meditating and asking for guidance from the “Universal Intelligence” and then this amazing thing happened. Step by step I was guided to the answers, and resources I needed to heal!

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Some of the things I learned, I share through professional speaking, and seminars. Much of it you can read in my book.

The things that I learned about healing, and how to cope with problems will apply to anyone who is having problems in their lives.

And if I could get through what I have been through, you can get through whatever is happening to you!

Let me show you how to develop new critical thinking skills!

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The Way Of The Phoenix: Transforming Trauma Into Triumph

Excerpts From My Personal Development Show Series:

I had enjoyed some shopping and was in my car leaving the parking lot to drive home. I was at a 4 way stop and noticed that the truck in front of me had 3 young men in the front seat. The driver was slouched in the seat with one hand on the steering wheel and the other hand out the window with a gun– which he pointed at my head!

Suddenly I am in code RED. (Threat Verified- Exercise Response). My life was being threatened. Instantly, my previous experiences of having my life threatened kicked in. Instead of screaming, crying or begging, I yelled, “What is your problem?” The driver looked at me in shock, looked at his buddies in disbelief, and drove on.

I believe I didn’t die that day because I didn’t do what he expected. I was unarmed, and used my voice to show my fighting spirit. I lived that day because I refused to be intimidated!

I would rather live or die on my own terms, than cower in fear! That was not the first or last time my life was threatened.

“I’m an insider.” I am a survivor of surreal trauma and violence that was relentless and ongoing. I spent every day from the time I have conscious memory figuring out how to stay out of danger, and recover from the aftermath of the choices of my perpetrators.

I know what it’s like to feel helpless and hopeless, and that is a special kind of hell that is known only to other survivors.

The beauty is I no longer feel traumatized– I feel empowered.

My life—everyday, is filled with intentional “possibility thinking” about how I can make my life, and other survivor’s lives better.

If I had not learned how to find this inner strength inside me, I would have died from Adrenal Insufficiency, from someone trying to kill me, or I might have given up, were it not for learning–mental toughness.

I developed unshakable determination to limit the power of abusive people in my life, and not just survive, but go from victim into victor.

My mental toughness was born of pain, injury, suffering, and a determination to heal!

A belief that you absolutely can change your life into a better, more satisfying one, is a core belief necessary for mental health and growth and healing from trauma.

My vision is to create a framework for healing, no matter how severe your trauma has been so that you can live the life that you deserve.

A Brave Soldier’s Story:

My grandfather was a WWI veteran, born in 1898, who suffered from what we now call Post Traumatic Stress. They have finally quit calling it a ”disorder”. This is an especially significant distinction for those diagnosed with this condition. It’s not a disorder, it’s the brain and body’s way of trying deal with the aftermath of being subjected to visual and physical horrors that are “dis-integrating” to the psyche.

My grandfather was subjected to extremely violent encounters and came home from the war, not even 20 years old, with most of his stomach eaten away and hemorrhaging from drinking water contaminated with toxic “mustard gas.” The bleeding in his stomach was perhaps minor in comparison to the emotional hemorrhaging that plagued him his entire life until he died in his 80’s.

In his last years, he was terrified by memories and hallucinations of an enemy that he had been forced to kill, following orders and trying to stay alive, while fighting in hand to hand combat with a bayonet and his gun. He was a sensitive man who was haunted by his war experiences. He enthusiastically joined the Army as a 16 year old ready to serve his country and help the world. He came home a broken man in many ways. That trauma affected his choices, and his children, and their children.

Recent studies of DNA now show that trauma alters the response of DNA through epigenetics. Sadly the changes in the DNA have been found in the 4th generation of descendants from the original trauma survivor. That is a terrible legacy to pass down.

What Can Be Done To Heal?

PTS changes personality traits of the survivor. It alters brain chemistry and neural pathways permanently. It changes the body’s response to fear and stress. Post Traumatic Stress floods the body with neuro-chemicals more powerful than opiates.

It forever makes a person more vulnerable to being triggered by a memory of the trauma; which is stimulated by a visual image, a smell, a sound, or other stimuli. It also makes their bodies more reactive to stress, creating a more exaggerated response to stressful circumstances. This physical response doesn’t change with time, they can’t “just get over it!”

What we can do is learn to cope by calming the nervous system once it is hyper-aroused. I have some vital suggestions to help with that.

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Here Are Some Suggestions in Dealing with Survivors Of Trauma:

Keep Confidences:

We have a culture now that craves seeing people suffer and tabloids sell by exploiting people’s pain, or by outright deception to make money. The people who “consume” media about other people’s suffering are part of the problem. It has become a national pastime to set people up to pry out their private pain and suffering for the entertainment of others. I abhor this kind of behavior! It’s like they just “poke you with a stick to see what happens.”

If we want our country to be strong, and individuals to behave responsibly and in more healthy ways, we have to provide privacy to the ones who are trying to heal. The last thing we need to learn is that the painful disclosure we made to a co-worker, or friend has now been “Tweeted” to others, or spread on someone’s “Facebook wall”.

Here’s How You Can Support and Help Survivors Heal:

Do give them the ability to express themselves in their own time and their own way IF THEY choose to. Just listening with empathy can be cathartic or perhaps lifesaving.

When you are trusted with listening to their private pain, try to see if you can help them to find any conceivable benefit. DO NOT do this in a trite way, invalidating or diminishing their pain. The horror and trauma will continue to resonate in the survivor until they can find some resolution in a benefit.

We don’t get to grade each other’s trauma!

I have often had people say to me, “Well my experiences are not as bad as yours but”… and then go on to share a personal trauma with me. I explain that no one gets to decide how bad my trauma was compared to theirs. We each have different personalities and coping skills. We each process information and experiences differently. Don’t minimize your own or another person’s trauma.

Instead, think of what you can do to heal the damage that was done and claim your victory over the circumstances that wounded you.

I had to dig really deep into My Soul to Find Some Benefits of the trauma I have experienced.

I recently I made a list of benefits that I gained from the horror of my life. It is my hope that you can also recognize benefits that you have gained from the painful experiences of your life.

In sharing a few with you I am being very vulnerable, but my objective is to help all of you who have experienced the pain of victimization to heal and resolve your trauma.

• I have learned how to evaluate and form a plan for keeping other people, or circumstances, from keeping me in a double bind.
• I have learned to ask myself the question, “What kind of personal responsibility and power can I exert over MYSELF to limit the power or coercion being exercised against me? Then I can protect myself better with actions and thoughts to counteract the abuse of power.
• I have learned the value of thinking for myself even if that means going against convention or popular opinion.
• I have the ability to weigh the situation and objectively look at what’s working and what’s not working.
• I learned how to make my mind use “possibility thinking”. I am constantly thinking of possibilities to improve my life to get out of the hell I lived in for too long.
• I learned how to consciously examine my “habits of thought” that held me in unhealthy patterns of behavior until I could change them into thoughts that served me well.
• I have a deep desire for change which is often frightening to the vast majority of people. I crave and try to create positive change.
• I am more in touch with my emotions than many others around me who have limited “Emotional Intelligence” because they are cut off from their emotions.
• Here are things I share with survivors as specific life skills to reclaim your life:
• Learn how to cope with the trauma that has been inflicted in empowering ways.
• Recognize the power you have to limit the abuse of power from others.
• Develop the knowledge that you can handle anything that has happened by gaining new skills and perspectives.
• Learn to express your fighting spirit with your voice and your posture.
• Create a plan to get yourself immediately out of fight or flight responses and into a more calm and empowered nervous system response.
• Learn the power of  your stance and your boundaries to keep you safe.
• Feel a powerful physical way to create strength and tranquility that was used anciently by Samurai to bring more Qi into circulation in their mind and body.

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The Ultimate Power in Harmonizing Your Mind, Body, Energy and Emotions

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Learn Ground-Breaking Fresh Ways To:

• Balance your brain functioning, enhancing the flow between your logical and creative sides
• Change your feelings from negative to positive with state of the art tools
• Uncover your best attributes and increase your self-esteem
• Timeless Truths—that help you see your problems in a beneficial light
• Ways to help you get more of everything you want!
• Ideas to uncover your life purpose and achieve greatness
• Ride the Wave Until You Succeed
• State of the art information about: Light sound machines, whole brain learning and brain balance, acupressure, meridians, reflexology, aromatherapy, trauma relief bodywork and the relationship between our emotions and our health

The Following are a Few Concepts Presented in this Speech

Feel Different: I had to go through life altering changes to heal and beat a “medical death sentence”. I had to decide that NO ONE else got to determine my outcome! If I had accepted the diagnosis that I was going to die, I’m sure I would have.  A big factor in my healing was learning to feel differently about my life. Which was really an extension of learning to think better. I finally gained some self-esteem, which I felt had been stolen from me from so many life experiences. Gradually, I found many innovative ways to heal my body and mind. One of the most powerful healing avenues I found was bodywork for releasing mind/body trauma— It dramatically helped me heal at every level.

Act Different: Then I figured out how to act differently. I had to start with setting effective boundaries, and I took some self-defense classes.  I learned how to kick some butt! This gave me the courage to leave some very important but — toxic relationships. That was so hard and a lot of people had negative judgment toward me about that, but I knew I had to do it to heal.

Healed: On leap year February 29^th 2000, seven years after my diagnosis and being told I was going to die-I sat down with my endocrinologist and he said,” I have some good news. I don’t know how you did it. There are no case histories of anyone spontaneously healing from your illness. And I can publish your story in some prominent medical journals. Congratulations, you’re well!  I can’t explain your healing– but just go one and live your life and be happy!”

“If you die without making a contribution, it’s like you never lived.”—Les Brown

 

Courageous and Audacious Living-Lessons from a Life of Adversity:

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Celebrate Your Life By Learning:

An empowering perspective is like a Pearl. A Pearl is what an oyster does with an irritant! –Phoenix Alexander

• To uncover hidden talents and attributes that no one else can do exactly what you can do
• Innovative ways to modify your self-image to achieve your highest potential
• Ways to be clear about what you’re projecting!
  
• How to discover your greatest success after your seemingly greatest
  defeats
  
• Assertion skills, boundary setting, mental toughness, and critical thinking skills
• How building yourself and others up with affirmative words creates ultimate happiness and success
• How to make a contribution in the lives of others
• Fantastic affirmations and quotes to inspire your mind and soul
• How to make “all things eventually work for your good”

 

The Following is an Excerpt From My Speech Entitled: Courageous and Audacious Living-Lessons from a Life of Adversity:

It took a long time in my life for me to gain a sense of my own worth. I felt it had been stolen from me by the negative people in my life.

For Example:

When I was in college I was a vocal performance major and our finals were called “jury”. That’s where several music professors got together to tell you just how much you need to improve!

At my jury my accompanist got so scared she lost her place, then she went back and started the over, then finally just quit playing the piano altogether. I was suddenly left a bewildered” A Cappella” singer. I finished the song the best I could, but I was in shock because she had played just fine in our rehearsals together.

After that, one of the professors launched into a tirade and told me that I couldn’t sing, I didn’t belong in the program, and I was essentially a disgrace and embarrassment to entire school. Really? This was all because I didn’t show complete confidence when my accompanist bailed on me mid-performance. I felt like I had just been “pitch-slapped!”. (I heard that in the movie “Pitch Perfect”.)

Anyway, I was so angry with him for putting me down, I went into the bathroom, (where he couldn’t hear me) and told him what I thought about him! That way I didn’t take in any of his insults into my mind and body. I don’t receive insults anymore. If someone is criticizing me I ask myself “Is this true about me? If it is true and I might benefit from a change I change it, if it’s not true, I let it go.

I’ve been singing for years, and I do it for myself because I enjoy it! I loved to sing along with Nancy Sinatra when I was 3 years old belting out, “These Boots Are Made For Walking.” I’m pretty sure that song shaped some of my personality. I’m sassy! It still inspires me. I highly recommend when problems feel overwhelming to find some” inner sassy-ness” and take on the problem with all the feisty-ness you have until you have some solutions that work for you!

More Perspective Shifts

I had a massage therapist who worked on me for years and heard the details of my crazy difficulties. He said “I think it might be easier if you looked at your life as an action adventure movie, or maybe a suspense thriller novel. It would feel less obnoxious, and a little more entertaining!”

Have you notice how some people really do make mountains out of molehills. Just the other day I was “disgusting” (yes, that’s discussing with disgust)… with my sister how sometimes people don’t realize how good their life really is.

I’ll give you an example:

I was at a church meeting where a woman was explaining that sometimes her choices are so hard! She had a large family of home-schooled children and she said, “I didn’t know if I should to take my children to the park to play, or to mop the floor that day”. And I’m thinking “Are you SERIOUS?! That’s your big problem?” “Wow, what happens when you get a REAL problem?:

If I gave her five minutes of full disclosure about my life—I think her brain would melt. It’s all about perspective!

Sometimes when life seems really bad I have to change my perspective.

l will never forget the image of a man I saw while I was touring in Mexico. We were on a bus tour of the city, and one of the stops was at a beautiful, ornate church. All of the wealthy tourists got off the bus and directly in front of us was a man. He was propped up on a skateboard. He had  no legs, and just stubs for arms, and only a torso and his head. I was stunned!  I remember wondering “How does that man could even “go to the bathroom”?” It didn’t look like all of his organs were there. I’m guessing someone put him there on the skateboard all day–everyday. Beside him was a can where you could put money. It ripped my heart out! Of course I donated. And I said a silent prayer of gratitude for all my blessings, and asked for a blessing on him. I thought about him for a long time and frankly, I wondered why he had chosen to live. He must have been a very courageous man. I wish I could have learned more about him. That is an image that will always bring perspective to my life! 

“When things feel really difficult, find a way to shift your perspective.” –Phoenix Alexander

I recommend volunteering at a domestic violence or homeless shelter. That will give your own problems a perspective in a hurry!

 

Listen to your inner guidance.

 

Refining Your Intuition and Receiving Enlightened Inspiration and Guidance

“Learning to obtain inspired guidance is perhaps the most important skill you may ever learn. It will help you to find your path to excellence, safety and happiness.”– Phoenix

Find Innovative Ways To:

• Use your “inner compass” to guide you along your path. Some call it inspiration, others call it intuition.
• Develop and use this guide in all you do to improve your life in unimaginably wonderful ways
• “Read” people and trust your instincts, gut feelings, and intuition— instead of your logical mind.
• Practical ways to develop and refine your intuition
• Distinguish between enlightened intuition and your own mind’s possibly misguided thoughts
• Ways to use intuition as a daily guide for your actions, cultivate a deep reverence for inspiration and guidance, and tailor your own action plan for success
• Practical exercises for honing your intuitive skills

Listening to Inspired Guidance May Save Your Life!

Within a few months, the reasons for these feelings became very apparent. As things began to unravel, one individual confided that he was being prosecuted for child sexual assault– with his own child, and another child! He pleaded for my help in acting as a character witness for him. I absolutely refused! He was asking me for help after he had already confessed to the prosecution that he had done it. He was convicted and sentenced to five years in a maximum-security prison.

Become A Force Of Nature Through Mental Toughness

The Following Is An Excerpt From My Speech Entitled: Refining Your Intuition and Receiving Enlightened Inspiration

Several times, I have met someone for the first time in a context that would cause me to consider that the person had a  belief system and values similar to my own. Yet, my initial reaction was that I felt my inner-self recoil from this person. I did not want to have anything to do with them. I immediately began searching my brain for possible reasons for this reaction, because I could find no logical basis for it. They did not remind me of anyone else, or any other situation I had experienced before and yet the feeling of repulsion was strong and undeniable.

Imagine what might have happened had I not been very careful not to expose my young children to him based on my initial reaction to him!

Sometimes the rational mind will overlook vital information that is available to the spirit or subconscious mind. This is especially true if you have been victimized before.

Another individual began coming to my home and repeatedly asking me for food and substantial amounts of money. Again something didn’t feel right and I felt protective of my family around him. I researched and found out that he was asking this of me despite being given generous donations from another source. I let the other source know what was going on.

In about six months time he was investigated for stealing and forging checks. Unbelievably, he also asked for my assistance as a character witness, but I refused based on my uneasy feelings towards him– even before the truth came out.

“Listen to your intuition and don’t talk yourself out of it!” –Phoenix Alexander

Setting Effective Boundaries Is Critical To Your Wellbeing

 

Transform Yourself with These Skills:

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• Creative problem solving to tackle any difficulty and find the benefit
• Timeless Truths that will guide your daily life and increase your efficiency
• Life Balance to truly enjoy your life while you continually improve your skills
• Enhanced communication skills that increase your like-ability and improve your relationships in every arena or “hat you wear”
• “Perspective Shifters” that alleviate the guilt and fear associated with “failure”
• Techniques for “letting go of fear”
• Cutting edge tools to free your brain to work more efficiently and bring you what you want
• Powerful organizational skills to help your prioritize all the demands made on you
• Mental Toughness Techniques to Become a Force of Nature

 

An empowering perspective is like a Pearl. A Pearl is what an oyster does with an irritant! —Phoenix Alexander

An Empowering Perspective Is Our Greatest Strength!

 

My name is Phoenix:

Overcoming Adversity Has Helped Me Find My Purpose

For More Professional Speaking Pictures of Phoenix Link Here to her Facebook Page

 

Transform Yourself By Applying New Perspectives and Skills

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