A Guide to Personal Empowerment Through Coping Strategies and Life Skills
By Phoenix Alexander
Cover Art by Jazmyn Stewart (See Biography Below)
This book is filled with real life examples from the author’s and other’s experiences, along with the valuable lessons learned from these often very adverse experiences.
Phoenix interprets the lesson from the experience and translates it into practical advice you can immediately apply to your own situations- whatever they may be.
This book has many highlighted applications, actions steps, and workbook exercises, to get you interacting with the concepts and thereby internalizing them on a practical personal level.
Below are a few excerpts to showcase the unique nature of the information contained in this groundbreaking book!
Excerpts from Turning Trials Into Triumphs–The Way of the Phoenix
What the Phoenix Means to Me… (from the preface)
As a young child, I was taken to the Phoenix Arizona Airport where I saw a huge mural with the Phoenix bird on it. I was told the legend of the mythical Phoenix. This magnificent, unique bird willingly burns itself completely in a huge fire to transform itself into an even more beautiful and majestic creature. Even as a five year old, I clearly understood the symbolism of this myth.
As I matured and was given many opportunities for tremendous growth through extraordinary adversity, the myth of the Phoenix continued to resonate with me. The Phoenix Bird is richly symbolic in many spiritual traditions. The idea of willingly being consumed by fire (adversity) in order to free oneself and soar gracefully and freely like a bird is incredibly inspiring to me. This bird is not a victim or merely a survivor—it is the embodiment of triumph over trials. To me, it represents the characteristics of wisdom in adversity, beauty, strength, and an indomitable will.
I feel empowered by owning this name. I strive to embody the strength, wisdom, and resilience that embody ” The Way of the Phoenix.”
These principles have strengthened me in my struggles to overcome my own trials. They are found in my book and expanded upon in much more detail. I also address these in various public speaking topics.
“I like to think of new insights and life skills as the “gifts” I have learned from overcoming adversity.”–Phoenix Alexander
Each of us has life experiences that give us exactly the right opportunities for our highest growth.
The secret is to learn to turn the situation around and analyze it, or re-frame its meaning, until you have gained the reward from the lesson the trial is trying to teach you.
All experiences can work together for your good!
This has become my mantra; I believe it to my core. When you understand this principle, you will begin to see your perceptions about difficult experiences turn around and suddenly your life becomes dramatically different. Each of us has undoubtedly known someone who allowed their adversity to make them bitter, unhappy people, while another with the same circumstances has used the adversity as a springboard for phenomenal achievement. The same boiling water softens a carrot and hard boils an egg. The choice is yours. It doesn’t matter as much what happens to you, what matters most is how you respond to adversity. If you haven’t found the good in the experience, it’s not over yet!
There seems to be a direct correlation between the magnitude of your problems and your potential for greatness!
If you seem to have monumental problems, it is likely that you are a person with extraordinary strength and capacity to endure. I believe the tests we are given in this life are for our good and in a strange way “fair.” They may not seem like it at the time, but you will find the strength to endure if you will exercise responsibility, ask for guidance, and develop a sincere and unshakable desire to overcome. The simple fact of life is: We are here to be tested and to learn.
Not every trial or adversity is self-inflicted.
Some things happen because we need to experience them for our highest growth. The “real secret” is: we are not in control of everything that happens to us! Not all of our trials are a result of negative thinking and poor habits of thought. Some adversity is designed for our growth… (by a wise and loving Creator who knows that truly great people are refined through trials and adversity). If you don’t share this belief I’m fine with that!
Some experiences are self-inflicted because we continue in destructive habits and behaviors. Some are just accidents, and others are the misuse of someone else’s right to make choices. Learn to change the behaviors and thoughts that hold you back or create self-inflicted misery. Learn to quit fighting the things you don’t have control over that are designed for your growth.
When you master the art of changing your thoughts and perceptions, you can then master your emotions.
When you master your emotions, you can control your behavior. As you control your behavior, you can exercise true personal power. Remember, the only thing over which you have ultimate control is your thoughts. No situation can overcome you if you learn to control how you perceive and react to it.
Along with each trial comes a promise—you will not be tested or tried beyond what you can handle.
If you can internalize this truth, it will turn your thinking around. When you’re hanging on by your fingernails you can look deep inside and find the inner courage to say, “I CAN handle this or it wouldn’t be happening.” You can handle anything life throws at you!
We are here to experience adversity and its masterful purpose is to teach us to rise above it!
We are not here to wallow in self-perpetuated misery. Our trials are to help us to recognize the great talents and blessings that adversity can bring. Trials can help us develop latent talents and strengths we never knew existed.
You are here to be happy!
When you learn the immutable truths that bring true happiness and learn to cleanse your body and mind from the experiences that hold you back, you will embody true peace and happiness.
Each of us has a specific purpose for our existence.
As we search for our life purpose and learn to use our skills and talents to elevate the lives of others, we will fulfill our grand design. We will receive extraordinary assistance if we are truly seeking to accomplish our life’s purpose. We will be lead and guided along our path.
We are all born with an inner compass to guide us along our path.
Some call it inspiration, others intuition. You can learn to develop and use this guide in all you do to improve your life in unimaginably wonderful ways.
If you’re still alive, there is a way for escape—whether emotionally or physically.
Don’t get stuck where you are! Unless the universe has decided it’s time for you to die,there is always a way to deal with your situation. Don’t despair, just keep looking for the answers and they will come!
Escape may come in the form of “rewriting your history” or reframing the trauma of your life by finding a new way to look at it. There is a way to find a benefit in the lesson.
The legend of the Phoenix is found in many cultures. What inspires me about the Phoenix is the way it voluntarily burns itself in order to create a new and better creature. It is a symbol of renewal, resilience and re-creation. The fire is a symbol of adversity to me.
A Phoenix is always changing, growing, and becoming better. I invite you to “Turn Your Trials Into Triumphs and Live The Way of the Phoenix”.
“A core problem in our society is negative self-image and self-esteem. People are killing themselves and dying by degrees because they lack this critical perspective of a healthy self-esteem. This epidemic must be addressed and overcome”–Phoenix Alexander
See The Majesty Of Yourself… (Excerpt from page 51)
Lesson: A lot of people have ideas about self-esteem. It is the core of a healthy person. But how do you get self-esteem if you don’t have it already?
It starts with a basic understanding of who we are. I believe that each of us has inherent worth because we are living human beings. Our ability to think, reason, and adapt to various situations sets us apart from the animal kingdom. Although animals share some of these characteristics, our skills and talents are far superior in many ways. We have a stewardship to care for the planet and the animals but I don’t think they are our peers or our ancestors, or that their rights and abilities exceed ours as humans. We have basic nobility because we are human.
Beyond that, I believe we were created by a loving Divine Creator, and that we are endowed with specific gifts and talents unique to each individual. (This is my strong belief, without proof, and you are free to any opinion to the contrary. But this has worked for me!)
The circumstances of when and where you were born and the place where you are now in your relationships, work environment, and educational background are all tools you are given to build your life into what you will make of yourself.
“No one else can do exactly what you can do or be exactly who you can be if you will develop your talents and skills and leadership”.–Phoenix Alexander
This may all sound a bit cliché; but if we really examine this principle in depth, it should elevate our basic concept of ourselves as being incredibly valuable. I feel we were meant to be here at this time in history, and in the specific circumstances where we find ourselves. You have the perfect launching pad for your highest potential right now.
“It doesn’t matter where you have been, as much as it matters where you are going!”–Phoenix Alexander
“When you take initiative to begin searching for your talents, skills and attributes that are positive and helpful, you can begin to appreciate yourself more fully”.–Phoenix Alexander
Quit dwelling on all the negative qualities you have! You probably think about them constantly and rehearse them in your mind telling yourself what a rotten person you really are. How helpful can that be? This is one of the factors that keep us from feeling healthy self-esteem for ourselves. We must stop talking to ourselves– in our minds and possibly out loud; about all the mistakes we make, what poor judgment we have, and all the rotten things that happen to us etc.
Have you ever noticed how we often dismiss compliments when we receive them? We frequently question the motivation of the person giving the compliment, or we argue with them about it like, “Oh you like this outfit? I found it at the back of the closet, I don’t really like it but I haven’t done the laundry this week so I wore it.” It leaves the other person wondering if you question their taste in complimenting you and makes it unlikely they will want to do it again.
We often internalize as true most of the negative labels that people place on us. This is a recipe for disaster. You will continually have negative feelings about yourself as long as you accept negative labels about yourself as true.
When someone criticizes you, before you take it in and feel bad about yourself, think: “what might his or her motivation be in saying this?” (This is an appropriate time to question motivation). Most importantly, ask yourself “Is this true about me?” If there is some truth in it, then say to yourself, “I recognize this as an area I’d like to improve in, and write down an action plan to change that characteristic or behavior about yourself. Make an affirmation statement to back it up and cement it in your subconscious mind. For instance, if you are habitually late for work and your boss says,”You’re never on time, shape up or you’ll lose your job!” If it’s true, then change it. If the reason for your lateness is because you never know where you put your keys, then say to yourself, “I always know where I put my keys. I enjoy the benefits of always arriving a few minutes early to work.”
What you continue to say to yourself, or allow others to say to you, will become true for you. We will always have detractors in our lives. We must learn to get over their negativity. If it’s simply not true about you, forget about it, or challenge them on it. Ask them “Why would you say such a thing about me?” Or make the statement, “You must feel pretty lousy about yourself to have to say such negative things about someone else.”
Here’s an Action Exercise designed to get your mind thinking of all the great things about you. Let’s face it, if you can’t figure it out, it will be a lot harder for others to recognize your worth and reflect it back to you.
Take A Piece of Paper and On One Side, List Your Positive Qualities Under: “My good qualities, talents, and blessings.” Now take the time to write down all the things you view as your strengths and quality characteristics, talents and blessings you have in your life. Take as many sheets as you need to do this. This is very important because you will be referring to it later when you feel discouraged. Your list may include things like, “I have a great smile, a playful laugh, a good sense of humor. I understand other people’s feelings. I have a great desire to learn and change. I am a contribution to the company I work for. I develop new skills on a regular basis. I have many friends.
On the other side of the paper label it: “What I am working to develop and receive.” Then list the qualities, blessings, and talents you want to have or develop. If you have a supportive person in your life, this exercise could be done together with each of you contributing to the other’s list of “My qualities, talents and blessings.” It can be a richly rewarding experience for both of you and something you will treasure forever. Keep the list!
Turning Trials Into Triumphs The Way Of The Phoenix Table of Contents:
What the Phoenix Means to Me. i
About Phoenix Alexander. ii
Emotional Wellness. 2
How Our Trials Can Actually Help Us To Excel In Life. 2
Here Are The Timeless Truths I’ve Learned. 2
Learn To Listen To Your Intuition. 5
Spiritual Direction And Guidance. 12
Best and Worst Case Scenarios. 12
Stop Making Excuses. 20
My Difficult History: 20
Negative Self-Talk. 32
Negative Perpetuating Cycles. 34
Releasing Anger. 37
Practice Positive Self-Talk. 39
Learn The Difference Between Passive, Assertive, And Aggressive Behavior. 39
Humor Heals. 42
Children Are An Endless Source Of Enjoyment And Humor. 43
All Things Work Together For Our Good. 44
The “No Room In The Inn” Principle. 44
Learn Timeless True Principles And Live Them. 44
Learn To Change Yourself. 45
The “Job Principle”. 46
Opposition In All Things. 48
See The Majesty Of Yourself. 49
Let’s Talk About Our Outer Image. 52
What Are My Basic Emotional Rights And Boundaries? 55
Out Of The Fire—The Dynamic Healing Process. 57
After the Trial of our Faith Comes the Blessings. 57
The Strongest Steels Are Tempered In The Hottest Fires. 60
Keep a “Happy Journal“. 61
Inspirational Quotes and Thoughts. 62
Life Purpose: Figure Out Why You’re On The Planet. 69
Finish What You Came Here For! 69
The “Jonah Principle” 69
Somatic Memories And Trauma. 73
Teach Others To Solve Their Own Problems. 73
Live By A Personal Mission Statement And A Set of Written Values. 75
Personal Calendar 75
Influence On Others. 76
Learn To Be Assertive In All Your Interactions. 78
Learn To Let Go Of Fear! 80
Change Begins With Problem Solving. 83
Changing Our Emotions To Suit Our Needs. 83
Timeless Truth—We Are Not Challenged Above What We Are Able To Bear 84
Use Visualizations To See Yourself Whole And Well 84
Defining Your Wants And Path Through Visualizations. 84
Develop A Love For Life-Long Learning. 85
Family Bonding And Compliments. 87
How To Set Clear, Concise Goals. 88
Happy Relationships. 89
Define What You Want 91
My Ideal Partner 91
Communication And Negotiation.. 94
Learn How To Get Your Needs Met Through Assertive Communication.. 94
Give A Really Meaningful Compliment 95
Examples of Compliments or Positive Affirming Statements. 95
Create Ground Rules For Resolving Conflict 95
Apologies Heal 95
Sincere Apologies Must Be Spoken In Their “Love Language” 96
Become An Expert Communicator 96
Life Balance Through Supportive, Loving Relationships. 100
Find The Love Of Your Life-And Keep Them.. 100
Touch And Talk Go Together 102
Romance Your Spouse/Lover 103
Build Loving Nurturing Relationships. 104
Establish Authentic, Meaningful Friendships. 105
Overcome Superficiality In Relationships. 105
Develop Intimate (Genuine) Relationships With Trusted Friends. 106
Get Out Of Caustic Relationships. 107
Respect Your Feelings. 107
When To Terminate A Relationship. 108
I Used To Wonder What Is Fair About Forgiveness? 109
Releasing Yourself From Caustic Relationships Is Acceptable. 110
Quit Rewarding And Enabling Bad Behavior And Misuse Of Power 111
Family Bonding. 112
Transcend How You Were Parented. 113
Cherish Children.. 115
Make A Difference In Someone Else’s Life. 117
Devote Yourself To A Cause Greater Than Yourself 120
Psychic/Emotional Debt 121
Uncommon Avenues To Healing. 122
Music Therapy & Emotion.. 122
Healing Bodywork. 124
We All Have Some Form Of Trauma. 128
You Can Handle What Comes Up. 130
See Me For Individual Bodywork Sessions To Release Past Traumas. 131
How I give an Interactive Trauma Release Treatment 134
Trauma Anniversaries. 135
Dreamwork And Lucid Dreaming. 140
Aromatherapy For The Mind And Emotions. 144
Essentials Of Aromatherapy. 147
Everyday Uses For Aromatherapy. 149
For the Mind and Body. 149
Aromatherapy Methods Of Application: 151
Contraindications And Cautions. 152
Some Essential Oils, Their Properties, And Indications. 153
Aromatherapy Recipes. 156
Appendix A: Mission Statement 158
Appendix B: Life-Improving Affirmations. 160
Appendix C: Dream Affirmations. 162
Appendix D: Goals & Affirmations. 163
Appendix E: Recommended Resources. 164
Jazmyn’s Contact Info: firstname.lastname@example.org
Jazmyn’s Biography: Even when she was a little girl, Jazmyn loved to draw and create things with her hands. It was through inspiration from her grandfather Jerry’s amateur family photography that she was lured into the digital arts. With additional help from her aunt Andrea, a professional wedding photographer and the urging of her grandmother Celestia, she pursued classes in graphic design and was hooked instantly. Jazmyn has dabbled in many arts but her favorite is designing vectorized art through digital means. She lives with her husband in Washington State and shares the queen’s throne with her super fluffy, overweight cat named Oreo.